She and I were inseparable in our childhood. She grew up next door to me, and we practically lived at each other's houses. We would come and go with hardly a knock on the door. She was just like my sister. In fact, my parents were often asked where their "adopted daughter" was if she was not with us. She and I did everything together until about middle school. It was at that time that we gradually started to grow apart. We were still close friends, but our interests and the crowds we hung out changed. We simply grew apart. After high school we pretty much didn't stay in touch. I have always had fond memories of her. In the last several years we connected through facebook, perhaps more out of curiosity than anything. We also exchanged birthday wishes a few times.
Since news of her death came, I have had a flood of happy memories from my childhood. The great times we had growing up. The silly things we did. Sweet, sweet memories. I have also asked myself, "Why would she take her own life?" It was so shocking for many around her, including me. Since I was not close to her these last many years, I do not know the details. I do know she was quite successful in her business and she was a beautiful woman who was healthy and strong physically. I often saw pictures of her through facebook that showed her dressed to the nines at dinner parties and other social events.
What would make her so despairing that she felt the need to take her own life? My gut reaction is to be mad at the world. The world that makes us feel so worthless if we don't live up to every expectation, if we don't look, act, or feel the way everyone else thinks we should act. The world that can block our view of what's really important, that can blind us to the love others feel for us. We all share this struggle.
In the last several days since her obituary was posted online, I have been reading the entries to her online guest book. Entry after entry show people's expressions of how much love they had for her, how much she influenced their lives for good, helped them be better people, she brighten their days with her kindness and acts of service. It breaks my heart that she didn't realize all the love that surrounded her. She was blinded, and couldn't see how many people she influenced. I don't think we realize how many people we have touched through out our lives. I think back and regret the fact that I didn't tell her how much she meant to me in my childhood. She shaped who I have become. In my relationship with her I learned how to show love to others around me. I wasn't always the best friend to her. She let me know this at times, but I have learned how to have stronger relationships because of her. I am a better person because of her. I loved her, and still do. I never told her that.
In memory of her, I would like to challenge myself and all of you to write a personal note or call those best friends of your life and tell them they matter to you. Show your love and let them know what they have done for you to make you a better person. I hope that none of yours or my dear friends are contemplating taking their own life, but perhaps our expressions of love can change a life or two. Perhaps we can brighten a day or two or ten or more. Perhaps we can help our friends see through the deceptions of the world and remember that someone loves them and they can make it through their struggles. Do it for at least one of those best friends in your life. We can make a difference!
To all who read this, I love you!
Sharon
Feel free to challenge your own friends. Together we can spread the love.
5 comments:
Oh Sharon, that's so hard. My heart goes out to you and your friend and her family. I don't know your friend or the circumstance, but what I do know is that sometimes you can be in a hole so deep and dark that you don't even know how sick and sad and exhausted you are. But love helps, even when you can't show it back. Your post is important. Thanks for the reminder to keep showing our love for others.
Very beautifully written reflection during a very difficult time. Prayers for you and her friends and family. Thank you for the direct challenge to share our love with those we have in our lives.
Wow, lots going on in your life right now, huh? Good luck this next week, and so sorry to hear about your friend.
This is a difficult thing to comprehend and to cope with. I am very sorry for your loss and hope that you, and others who love her, have felt some peace and solace. Thanks for the challenge - it's good to take action at a time of sorrow.
Thanks for the reminder, each life is precious, but so often we don't take the time to tell others how much they mean to us. Depression is so lonely and hard to deal with. There is still so much stigma associated with it that people are ashamed of how they feel. I hope you feel some peace in remembering the good things about your friend.
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