When it rains, it pours...

The same day that I wrote the post about my friend's death, we were getting ready for Robby (my husband) to leave the next day for a trip to China for a week.  That day as I thought about his trip I felt this heavy foreboding feeling in my heart.  I was thinking, "Surely nothing terrible is going to happen."  It was bothering me enough that I asked Robby how he was feeling about the trip, and he said he had been feeling worried about it, too.  Of course, that didn't comfort my heart any.  I prayed in my heart that he would be okay, and that if anything happened it wouldn't be awful.

Well, about 5:30 that afternoon, we got a call that we almost didn't answer because there was no caller ID.  It turned out that DHS wanted to place a 1 month old baby boy with us.  I can't share his reasons for placement, but I will say he's had a rough start in life.  After hearing about his situation, we agreed quickly to take him.  When the call ended, I turned to Robby and told him I wasn't worried any more about his trip.  I knew he would be okay (it was me that should be worried).  I think the arrival of this little one was what my heart was fretting.  

So our family graduated to five children last Tuesday when this sweet baby boy arrived in our home, and I'm doing it solo till Saturday.  I can't say that it's been a walk in the park, but we're surviving thanks in part to great friends who are helping out.  Natalya is having to adapt to no longer being the baby pretty fast, and it's been a bit of a challenge.  She climbs into the baby's car seat, tries to sneak into his swing, and wants to be cradled in my arms.  Other than that she is sneaking in the refrigerator, secretly stealing pens and paper, and running wild around the house.  Even for Olivia this is an adjustment, and I'm seeing a little more of her sassy side.  She has been joining me in bed late in the night and wakes up sometimes with the baby.  I've also sensed that Jenna is more anxious than normal, and quicker to tears when things aren't the way she expected.  Fortunately, I have Li'l Robby.  He just takes all the emotions in the house in stride.  What would I do without him!  As for me, I feel like a zombie.

I'm down to two days left.  Robby has no idea what he's coming home to.  

In Memory - A Challenge for You

My heart is very heavy this morning.  I sit with tears in my eyes thinking upon my dear, dear friend.  My best friend from my childhood.  We used to say, "Best Friends Forever."  I am not going to identify her on this blog out of respect to the family.  There are very few if any who read this blog that might have a clue as to who I am referencing since I had not been in contact with this friend since she and I were in high school, with the exception of my wedding and one other visit.  A few days ago, I found out that she took her own life a week ago.  I can't tell you how sad this makes me.  Her funeral began just a moment ago, and I can't be there this morning because of distance and expense.

She and I were inseparable in our childhood.  She grew up next door to me, and we practically lived at each other's houses.  We would come and go with hardly a knock on the door.  She was just like my sister.  In fact, my parents were often asked where their "adopted daughter" was if she was not with us.  She and I did everything together until about middle school.  It was at that time that we gradually started to grow apart.  We were still close friends, but our interests and the crowds we hung out changed.  We simply grew apart.  After high school we pretty much didn't stay in touch.  I have always had fond memories of her.  In the last several years we connected through facebook, perhaps more out of curiosity than anything.  We also exchanged birthday wishes a few times.  

Since news of her death came, I have had a flood of happy memories from my childhood.  The great times we had growing up.  The silly things we did.  Sweet, sweet memories.  I have also asked myself, "Why would she take her own life?"  It was so shocking for many around her, including me.  Since I was not close to her these last many years, I do not know the details.  I do know she was quite successful in her business and she was a beautiful woman who was healthy and strong physically.  I often saw pictures of her through facebook that showed her dressed to the nines at dinner parties and other social events.  

What would make her so despairing that she felt the need to take her own life?   My gut reaction is to be mad at the world.  The world that makes us feel so worthless if we don't live up to every expectation, if we don't look, act, or feel the way everyone else thinks we should act.  The world that can block our view of what's really important, that can blind us to the love others feel for us.  We all share this struggle. 

In the last several days since her obituary was posted online, I have been reading the entries to her online guest book.  Entry after entry show people's expressions of how much love they had for her, how much she influenced their lives for good, helped them be better people, she brighten their days with her kindness and acts of service.  It breaks my heart that she didn't realize all the love that surrounded her.  She was blinded, and couldn't see how many people she influenced.  I don't think we realize how many people we have touched through out our lives.  I think back and regret the fact that I didn't tell her how much she meant to me in my childhood.  She shaped who I have become.  In my relationship with her I learned how to show love to others around me.  I wasn't always the best friend to her.  She let me know this at times, but I have learned how to have stronger relationships because of her.  I am a better person because of her.  I loved her, and still do.  I never told her that.

In memory of her, I would like to challenge myself and all of you to write a personal note or call those best friends of your life and tell them they matter to you.  Show your love and let them know what they have done for you to make you a better person.  I hope that none of yours or my dear friends are contemplating taking their own life, but perhaps our expressions of love can change a life or two.  Perhaps we can brighten a day or two or ten or more.  Perhaps we can help our friends see through the deceptions of the world and remember that someone loves them and they can make it through their struggles.  Do it for at least one of those best friends in your life.  We can make a difference!

To all who read this, I love you!

Sharon

Feel free to challenge your own friends.  Together we can spread the love.